Where do I begin?

Thank you all so very much for your comments. I never imagined how much support I would receive.

It will be one week ago tomorrow that I received the news that will forever change my life. I had mentioned earlier about my symptoms not being as bad, I suppose that "foreshadowing" the inevitable. The u/s tech took me in and did the u/s, the sacs were quite visible, as were the babies, but I didn't see the all familiar flicker I have seen so many times in the past. She then called in the radiologist to read the u/s, as they require a Dr. to tell any information. At that point, I knew, hubby and I both knew they were gone. He then came in and told us the news that will forever change our lives. They were gone. They only grew to be 8w2d when I should have been 9wks. We were given some time alone to try and process what we were just told. I don't think you are quite able to think straight when given this kind of news. I automatically just thought how it was all too surreal, like I never quite believed that I was expecting again, especially twins. The waiting for the actual procedure was hell. I hated being there knowing that this was it, it was going to be final. I only stayed after the surgery for about 3 hrs. I went to the hospital carrying 2 babies and left with none. Ugh, I have no other words to use other than this is the shits.

I am lost as to what to do now? Hubby is very adament that he get his vas&ectomy and that be it. I just don't want to finalize anything right at the moment. I guess only time will tell what will happen. I just have to grieve, both of us have to.

I return to full time work in only a week. I remember at first thinking how am I going to tell work that I am preg. again and will be leaving again to have another baby. Then there was the shock of finding 2. All sorts of thoughts came to me, like, how will I work on such a heavy floor with so much lifting, what about bed rest? Will I need it, and now, there's nothing. No thoughts at all.