My family of 5

Monday, June 19, 2006

Help...

Alright, this may be long.

Yesterday my hubby asked me where all his money went. I was like, I took 30 dollars and I'm sure there was another 20 dollar bill still up there.

So today at the supper table he asked my daughter (R) if she knew where it was. The look on her face said it all. We knew immediately she knew what we were talking about. So a little probing further she admitted to taking it (to school, why a kid in grade 4 would take money to school, I'm not sure) Anyway, she told us how her "friends" (yah, friends......) asked her for some money (once they knew she had it) to go to the store and to buy them some chips and drinks. Well I wasn't too impressed, she knew she was in crap for stealing, that's just wrong. Urgh.
Then she tells us how these "friends" are mean to her pretty much all the time and that was the one time they were nice to her, then she starts bawling and says how she has no friends and she doesn't know what to do, that she figured that if she got them things they would be nice to her. My heart just broke, why does a 10 year old child have to feel like she has to "buy" herself friends. I don't get it? It was pretty damn sad sitting there. I thought for a split second it was an act to get herself out of trouble, because kids are good at acting, but it was sincere, she was so upset telling us this. I feel so sorry for her. I know the girl's mom, that's been bugging her the most. But my daughter doesn't want me to say anything to her, because the mom will bring it up to her daughter and then they will make more fun of my child. So I just let it as it is. We told her that anyone that has to be "bought" are not "friends". They are users. I honestly don't know what else to say to her. In my own opinion, these kids are considered the "cool" kids. They talk about having boyfriends and dating. (what the hell, they are 10????) I mean, all I did at that age was play barbies! So I am stuck, I know I said the right things to her, but I wish there was more I could do to make her feel better. She says they torment her, calling her fat and make fun of her too. :(
She is chubbier then those other kids, why do kids have to be so darn mean? I know that's something that will never change, hell I had my share when I was younger too. But it is much more upsetting when you see it happening to your own child. Urgh.

Oh the lobster boil went fine. My hubby called my BIL and got it all straightened out. So thank goodness we didn't have to buy for her whole family too. *phew* The kids had fun, they had a slip and slide thing there and they stayed out all day. AND the weather was perfect, nice and windy so no BUGS! Yayyy!

On a different note: Must post pics of baby, here's her 10 wks pics.




Can she change her looks anymore? I dunno.



Here's a pic just after bath time. She's getting those long eyelashes like my other children. :)

21 Comments:

At 11:23 PM , Blogger Chas said...

The kids I work with are just a tad older than your daugher, and I see them go through the same struggles. It makes me sick to see these sweet little girls wanting so badly to be friends with the certain girls that are viewed as popular by the crowd. These "popular" girls are generally bullies in one way or another, and it seems that is what your daughter is dealing with. She wants to be accepted and this is the way she thought she could get an "in" with them. As adults, we know that giving them money wouldn't make them her friends for long.

Growing up is sooooo hard; teaching sixth grade reminds me of that every day. Just keep reminding her how special she is. If she truly doesn't have any friends, which I doubt, she probably just doesn't have the friends she wants...but if she really doesn't have any, consider getting her involved outside of school...maybe gymnastics or cheerleading, dance class, church youth group, soccer...something.

 
At 11:45 PM , Blogger Whitney said...

So sorry about your daughter. Kids can be so cruel. Your littlest one is absolutely beautiful!

 
At 11:50 PM , Blogger Petunia said...

Peer pressure is a tough part of growing up. It takes a strong personality to be a leader. It's easy to be a follower but that just gets you into trouble. Pics of baby are precious!

 
At 1:33 AM , Blogger Kathy said...

That's so sad about your daughter. As the victim of bullying in high school, I know how cruel other kids can be and how little anybody can do about it. I hope things work themselves out.

On the other hand, your youngest is beautiful. She has gorgeous eyes.

 
At 11:12 AM , Blogger Mandy Lynn said...

Ooo that baby is so Pretty. Not just cute, she is really pretty! You must be so proud.

I am sorry about the sitution with your other daughter. I went through merciless teasing at about the same age. I had really bad buck teeth and after gym class the kids would sing "Do your teeth hang low, do they wobble too and fro" I used to feel so humiliated.

I like the suggestion chas made about getting her involved in some other activities. I am so sorry!

 
At 11:13 AM , Blogger Silly Hily said...

Oh gosh, my heart breaks for you and your little girl. Kids really can be so mean. I dread the day I have to go through this with my kids b/c it will test me in a way I've never been tested. Not only will it test me emotionally, having to see my kids hurt, but it will also test me physically, having to keep myself from knocking the crap out of the kids that are mean.
The only good thing that I can think to come out of this is that at least you know your daughter is NOT one of the mean girls which means YOU have raised her properly. I also hope everything works itself out, and quickly. If not, call me and I'll come up to Canada to kick some 4th grade ars! :-)

 
At 11:31 AM , Blogger Emma in Canada said...

Oh, that is so hard. I am all for talking to the mother though, if you feel comfortable approaching her, if I were that mum I would most definitely want to know. Taylor had a bullying situation earlier in the year, I went to her teacher about it who said "Oh, she comes from a bad home" and did nothing even though he said he would. Eventually I dealt with it myself by talking to the girl and telling her that if she went near my daughter ever again she would have me to deal with as well as the police. I'd like to say she never did bother her again, she did start up again after about 2 months. Sorry I'm going on and on but also here, parents have the right to call the police themselves and have the police come in and talk to a particular class or group of students about the effects of bullying. Might be a bit extreme though.

 
At 1:01 PM , Blogger Hoping said...

ugh kids can be so mean. how heartbreaking to hear that from your daughter. I think the best thing we as women can do with younger girls is to teach them to stand up for themselves, they will thank us later.

Too cute baby!

 
At 2:04 PM , Blogger Ashley & Charles said...

Things like this make me consider home schooling! I think 10 is a really hard age, and I don't have any advice for you. Just let her know how special she is and how much she is loved.

 
At 2:46 PM , Anonymous Heidi said...

10 was a hard age for me too .... All the skinny girls with straight hair and no glasses.... All the boys liked those girls and I was just a joke. It's probably really hard to see your daughter go through this, but with you behind her 100% of the way, making her know that she's special and beautiful, she'll get through it.

 
At 3:46 PM , Blogger Merr said...

Man poor girl. I wasn't very popular in school, so I know how she feels. Bullies and teasing sucks, but it is a part of life. We had a hard time bringing a kid into this world as lesbian parents, for fear of the teasing in school. Well we figured that kids are going to get teased no matter what. All we can do as parents is make sure our kids feel loved and supported by us. Kids that tease and are mean are usually insecure about themselves. I personally would rather my kid get teased, than to be the bully. I can deal with making my kid feel better for being teased, but I can not deal with mean kids!

 
At 7:48 PM , Blogger Tonya said...

The new pics are great :) What a cutie pie!

As far as your daughter.. that is soooo sad. Kids are soo cruel and when it happens to your child that must be so heartbreaking. Its good that you told her friends dont have to be "bought" and real friends would like her for her.. Its just so sad that kids make fun of her. I was never made fun of so dont know how that must feel but I did beat up the kids that made fun of other kids.. I know that is kind of a bully but I felt sorry for the kids being made fun of :( I hope she gets some real friends and is not so sad!

 
At 4:44 AM , Anonymous Valkyrie said...

I can totaly 'feel' your story - I remember being upset because I thought I was losing a friend (also at age 10) because the 'cool' kids were getting her to do stuff - and she was all for it. I was just the 'boring' friend - who still played with her 'My Little Pony's"!!

 
At 1:37 PM , Blogger Karen said...

Adorable pictures!

 
At 1:40 PM , Blogger Karen said...

Oops, somehow I posted that before I was finished. Yes, kids are so mean. I think you're doing the right thing. I'm dreading getting to that point with my daughter, because I think all kids are teased, no matter what. It's sad, but in the long-run it kind of gives them a thicker skin and teaches them about life. Unfortunately, a lot of kids have to deal with it and as her mother, it's got to be devastating to know she's hurting. She's beautiful! She will blossom and forget all about those kids next year.

 
At 5:32 PM , Anonymous Lisanne said...

That would be *such* a hard situation. It sounds like you handled it beautifully; I'm not sure that I would know what to say. Growing up IS very difficult at times. Why do kids have to be so mean???

 
At 6:01 PM , Blogger Melissa said...

Sorry about it being so long since I commented. I'm just getting caught up on everyones blog! Where does the time go.

It makes me want to cry when I hear stories like your daughters. I can't imagine how hard it is on you for having to hear it too. I'm not looking forward to those days. I too was teased through elementary because I had a speech problem. I eventually worked through it, but not until 5th grade. It sounds like you raised a beautiful, intelligent girl!

Also wanted to say that I am just lovin the pics of your youngest little angel. It makes me sad that Faith is already going on 8 months. I miss her being so small!

 
At 10:10 PM , Blogger Dazed said...

Poor girl, I dont have any advice but think what everybody else said sounds pretty darn reasonable.
On the other hand...ADORABLE 10 week pics!

 
At 11:58 PM , Blogger Melissa said...

I remember being teased at that age. It certainly can be hard being a kid -- I wonder what my sons are going to picked on for.....

And your other daughter is absolutely gorgeous! Thanks for sharing the pics.

 
At 11:54 AM , Blogger miraclebaby said...

I so felt like that in school. Poor girl.

 
At 12:32 PM , Blogger Erika said...

That is so awful about your daughter. Be glad she is comfortable in telling you the truth and that you were able to hear her cry for help. I guess just keep boosting her confidence and reminding her how much you love her, that's what my parents did for me when I had a rough time with other kids. Hang in there!

 

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